Finding Me (the Big Reveal)

I'm Lauren Dayton - a 48 year old happily married stay at home mom who writes music and lives on 12 wooded acres in rural Michigan. I have a law degree but haven't practiced full time since having my first child 16 1/2 years ago. I spend a lot of time as a secretary, chauffeur, house cleaner and counselor to my family but never once have I regretted leaving my intense litigation career. Still, there have been signs that all is not well with me.

I was recently describing to someone close to me how blessed I am to have such a wonderful life when they commented on the fact that I was frowning and my brows were furled. That's interesting, I thought. My face contradicts my words. All the nonverbal communication theory I'd learned while getting my undergraduate degree came rushing at me like a tidal wave. Actions speak louder than words. Though momentarily rattled, I dove back into the comfort of my blurred life and didn't give the exchange another thought. A few days later that same person actually delivered to my doorstep a copy of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young which she obtained specifically for me with the help of another close mutual friend. The book is a daily devotional dedicated to cultivating the presence of Jesus Christ in one's life. She hugged me and said she hoped the book would help. I was touched. I was stunned. They think I'm losing it, I thought. It took me over a week to find the time to open its pages and start digesting its contents bit by bit. That was also the day I had a seemingly casual conversation with my dental hygienist (tools in my mouth never stopped me from talking!). We were discussing our mutual goal to get our daughters to select their vocation based upon what they loved rather than what they thought was sensible, or likely to get them a good job, or expected of them by those they wanted to please. Wow! Heady stuff. My hygienist and I acknowledged the fact this was not exactly a popular position. After all, didn't most college kids change majors two to five times? Don't most adults change career paths seven to eight times? I was astounded that I had those statistics memorized. America's got a full blown identity crisis! We also chuckled at the irony that we were both in the throes of middle age and had absolutely no idea who we were. We hoped our encouragement would get our daughters the enlightenment they deserved now instead of thirty years from now. Ouch! As I pondered these exchanges, I realized that I was indeed in a personal state of crisis. Oh, I covered it up well and even looked normal to most people on a day to day basis. But make no mistake, I have a lot of work to do! And I'd bet that a lot of other middle agers out there like me are in need of solutions because they are on the brink of falling apart too. This blog is not created to whine and complain. It's dedicated to helping others (and myself) find solutions to the confusion of our complicated adult lives and most of all, to help us find happiness in ourselves and in our lives. I will attempt to blog daily with my findings during this precarious journey. And in closing, I am reminded and inspired by the phrases of Robert Frost's poem The Road Less Traveled which I memorized in high school: "Two roads diverged in the wood, and I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference." May my daily writings and ramblings make a difference in your life. They already are rocking my world! Best to you, Lauren