For Crying Out Loud

I was at a baseball game yesterday when a disturbing thing happened. It was with the 9 to 10 year old division which is the first age category where the kids pitch (no pitching machines or tees to hit from). This is a dicey proposition, because the pitchers lack control, and the the batters aren't used to such a variety of possible pitches coming at them around 40 to 50 miles per hour. One batter swung too early with all his might only to have the hard ball crack him squarely on the knuckles. Everyone in the stands winced, and the kid's mom yelled "Ouch!" His face screwed up and turned deep red. He angrily took the bat and hit home plate several times to gain composure. But things only got worse as the seconds ticked by and he became accutely aware of everyone staring at him. The coaches came in close to talk in hushed tones. He tried to wrap his hands around the bat but the swollen hand wouldn't cooperate. As he wiped an angry tear, the coach scowled, "Don't! Keep it together! Get over it!" The kid quickly finished his up at bat swinging with only his right hand firmly gripping the bat. It was no surprise that he struck out. What was surprising was that no one, not a coach, not a parent, not an umpire, nor a stranger helped him out. "Don't even think about it, Lauren," I was ordered as I leaned forward anxiously in my chair. I was already planning my strategy if the same ever happened to my kid. I felt deep pangs of guilt for not stepping in for this kid. I was amazed as this kid's angry tears started to form in my eyes. He was expected to take it "like a man". Later, a smaller but rather macho team mate took a pitch right at the top of the thigh. It sounded like raw meat being smacked onto a plate. As he limped to first base, a parent yelled, "Way to take one for the team, buddy! Good man!" No tears this time. I burned. A few batters later, an obviously bigger and older kid took a pitch at the bony top of the shoulder. This one sounded like a 2 by 4 snapping. He went right down on his knees and stayed there until his coach walked over impatiently. "Come on, don't be a baby. Get up!" he snapped obviously perturbed. The kid bit onto the inside of his cheek an took his base as by standers clapped. Again no tears. I learned last month at a high school freshman baseball game that players will, upon instruction, purposely lean into a pitch to get a walk. When I saw it myself, the batter yelped and waddled to first bravely clutching his side. You can bet there were no tears. I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS SCREWED UP! Why is it that we expect our boys to "man up" when they are injured? Are they wimps for crying when a hard ball traveling as fast as a speeding car connects with their unprotected bodies? And this is America's Great Pastime. On the other side of the spectrum are girls who are "stereotyped" for crying unnecessarily or for ulterior motives. I find that I am uncomfortable with crying. It embarasses me to cry in front of others. What's with that? I grew up in a family where no one was allowed to cry. I was publicly shamed whenever I slipped up on that one! A sib admonished me when I cried as we closed my Dad's casket. I didn't cry at my brother's funeral last summer. When I do cry now, I make it a very private affair behind closed doors and alone if at all possible. I am mortified when I let go of tears in front of others in a dark movie theater or in the privacy of my own home. "Stop!" I can still hear the scalding words showered upon me as a child. "Don't you dare cry!" Why are we so screwed up about crying? Why can't we honestly cry in public when we are hurting physically or emotionally? Is it because we fear we won't stop once we start? And haven't we all had those disappointments in our lives where we truly deserved to cry but didn't? Crying doesn't make us any less of a man or woman or human being. It is a ligitimate emotion. And what about the relief and "cleansed" feeling we have after a good cry? It's sounding better and better to me! So, Dear Readers, I am NOT going to ask you to cry. Just try to remember the last time you did. What were the feelings that you had at that time? How can we get honest with our sadness so that crying is the acceptable emotion that God intended it to be? (Isn't it the first sound we make when we are born?) Because I suspect that whether we show our tears or not, we wear them on our sleeves. They will come out one way or another whether in anger or rage or frustration or depression. I think a good cry is under-rated. And I hope that for today, if you need to cry, you DO it. Lauren