Vampires

I thought this would be a fun topic on the eve of Eclipse's release . But be warned, I'm not talking about anything nearly as hot as Robert Pattinson or Ashley Greene. The Vampires that I'm talking about today are those persons that will literally (well, OK, figuratively,) suck the blood out of you! Maybe you know someone who will dump every daily problem, crisis, and drama on you as if it is your privilege to wear it as a yoke upon your shoulders. You walk away from them tired, weary and emaciated from the burden of their emotional dump. Or maybe you know people who can (even though you are now a full grown, capable adult) literally cripple you emotionally and shred your self-esteem to ribbons with one little disapproving phrase or look. Or how about those that pour guilt on you like it's a thick, sticky soap and you need a good bath? Maybe you know Vampires that are not so blatant. You could be enjoying a nice conversation with them, and then, BAM!, they suddenly spit out a zinger that brings you to your knees. I imagine that there are literally thousands of Vampires out there, and that they vary in habit and motivation even more than the characters in Twilight, True Blood and Dark Shadows. So, Dear Readers, I have developed a Vampire management strategy for you that doesn't require garlic cloves, wooden stakes or crucifixes (though the latter may certainly come in handy). First of all, identify any Vampires that you may have in your life. You don't have to actually write out a list that someone may read and misinterpret. This is a private, emotional list that you can keep to yourself. And don't feel bad about placing a friend or loved one on your Vampire list. They are who they are, and you can still love them as you do Edward or Barnabas Collins. (And if , by the way, you have no vampires in your life, have a great day, enjoy your wonderful life, and know that I will also be pigging out on popcorn with my daughters and their squealing friends at 12:05 tonight.) Now back to those of us who are not in denial,... Take your list and categorize your Vampires into two groups - those who are necessary in your life and those who are not. Again, this is a very personal choice that need not be shared with others. For those who are not necessary in your life, STAY AWAY! Avoid them at all cost. I'm talking self preservation here! You don't have to identify yourself as someone who has to always endure the unkindness and wrath of the world. Avoid being anemic! If a particular Vampire in your life is an acquaintance, don't make them a best friend or a spouse. Don't set yourself up for guaranteed emotional failure in your life! You ARE NOT going to change them! So don't pick up a Vampire as a pet project for your own self indulgent personality rehabilitation. It won't work , and someone will get hurt. Now, for those Vampires that are necessary in your life, always proceed with caution, forethought and your own personal well being in mind. Set reasonable limits with these Vampires. You don't have to allow them free rein and access to your blood. It's not your duty to fall into a deep depression just so they can vent and feel better. Your self-esteem matters too, and it should be your new goal to protect it at all cost. You were not put on this earth to be their victim! I recently was being dumped on by a Vampire friend right in the middle of a department store. I was in a hurry and politely said, "Sorry, I gotta go," and walked away while they literally continued to talk to the air as if I hadn't left. It occurred to me that this person does NOT have my best interest at heart. Another Vampire in my life recently confided to me because of our talks, they can avoid going back into therapy. Great! Dr. Frankenstein, I have created a monster! Again, I realized that they are so caught up in themselves that they don't have any inkling of the damage that they are doing to me. And that is my problem. So, I am carefully limiting the amount of time I allow my Vampire to feed. This will not be easy, and I suspect that I will likely have to tell them my true feelings soon. But that's a post for another day. So, Dear Readers, hold your Vampires at arm's length, and take time to carefully decide whether they will remain in your life. I can practically guarantee that if you cut off their feeding, they will certainly find another victim to sustain themselves. Vampires put their self preservation first, and you should too. You deserve to live a healthy emotional life out in the sun! Have a great one, and don't eat too much popcorn. Lauren